Dear Single Ladies

Dear Single Ladies,


Please remember your value and worth. I know you are tempted to put yourself on the clearance rack, to settle, to discount yourself, to let the girls out, to hike up that skirt, to show that flat stomach (I mean you've got the body why not put it on display...everyone else does), to let the cookies out of the cookie jar (why not do a test drive), and etc. I mean let's be honest, abstinence is not a particularly popular notion this day and age, quite the contrary, many people find it down right absurd! They can't for the life of them understand why you would "deprive" yourself and you're tired of explaining why to people. I know some of you are even more tempted to discount yourself because you haven't even had a prospect in months, some of you years! You honestly would just like a man to notice you. Trust me when I say I understand how you feel. I'm currently in this boat, which I am calling the "No Prospects In Sight Boat" lol.

Please allow me, as your sister in Christ, to encourage you, warn you, and give you some advice. Don't give into this temptation and please don't allow yourself to get to a place of desperation! In this journey of singleness veering down the road of desperation should be prefaced with a sign stating "DANGER!" Desperation by definition is a state of despair, typically one that results in rash or extreme behavior. Your vision is clouded when you're desperate. Your thoughts are irrational...you think things like:

My biological clock is ticking!
Everyone I went to high school & college with is either married or married with kids or just got engaged or pregnant!
I'm 25 and I'm not married. I'm officially and old maid (FYI I've actually been called an old maid)!!!

                    

Being in this dangerous place called desperation you will settle for the first guy that comes along and miss all the red flags screaming he is NOT God's best for you. Don't settle for good-looking, well dressed, and a heart far from God because you think God has forgotten about you or this is the best you can do since no one else has come along. I don't care if he looks like Michael B. Jordan or as some like to call him Michael Bae Jordan if he and Satan are homies! I read something the other day that really resonated with me. I hope this helps some of you ladies that are also in the "No Prospects In Sight Boat," that have literally sat down trying to figure out why you're single. I mean you've gone over your attributes and you just don't get it. I know I'm not the only one that has ticked off their fingers saying I'm pretty, smart, kind, a Christian, I have a job, I've got good credit...WHY IN THE WORLD AM I SINGLE?!? All my single ladies in that boat here is the quote and I really hope it helps, "The cheapest prices attract the most customers." The first thing I told you was to remember your value and worth. You have great value sis and you're worth far more than rubies. You're a diamond. A diamond unclaimed is still a diamond. There aren't many that are willing to pay the price for you, but there is someone out there hand-picked by God who is. Don't be discouraged or feel forgotten or like something is wrong with you or that you should lay your morals and standards down by the riverside because there are no prospects in sight. Know that you are valued, you have great worth, you are fearfully and wonderfully made in the very image of God, you are special, and you are absolutely beautiful! And some amazing, hand-picked man of God will come along and recognize that, pursue you, and put a ring on it! But until then here is my advice to you:

1. If you realize that you are in a place of desperation for a man, recognize that a man is the last thing you need. You need to get to a place where you are content with it just being you and God. You need to learn that your identity is not wrapped up in your relationship status, but in Christ. Learn to love your own company. And realize that no man will ever love you as much as your Heavenly Father does. 
2. Stop comparing yourself to your peers. We see it on social media all the time, friends from high school and college, co-workers, followers, and etc. getting engaged, married, and having babies...And we look at them and are envious because they have something we don't have and desire to have. I remember being in this place and I honestly found myself annoyed and jealous, like why can't I have that?!? Why isn't it my turn yet?!? You know what the funny thing is though, many of those that we are comparing ourselves to and are envious of, we don't even know them for real!!! We see a filtered version of their lives and a filtered version of their relationship. In real life, their relationship could be the last thing we should to be envious of, but we are in love with the pretty picture they allow us to see. Seriously, if you go on my Facebook or Instagram you would think I wear makeup all the time...I wear makeup once at most twice a week. We have to stop making followers, Facebook & Instagram friends, and celebrities #relationshipgoals. You don't really know their relationship. We also have to stop comparing and get to a place where you can celebrate others. You'll never be a satisfied single if you insist on always comparing yourself to others. Satisfaction and comparison can't co-exist if you're trying to embrace being single.
3. Give your desires and dreams to be in a relationship, to be married, and to have children over to God. Lay them down at His feet. Stop trying to write your own love story and allow God to write it.
4. Sit down and do a self-check/heart-check to see if you've made marriage/being in a relationship an idol. If it is revealed to you that this is the case, pray and repent asking God to forgive you.  (Exodus 20:3-6   3 “You shall have no other gods before me.4 “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.) 
5. Realize life doesn't begin when you're married or in a relationship. You've got purpose whether you're in a relationship or not. Marriage is not a prerequisite for purpose. Stop pressing the pause button on your life because you don't have a man! Don't put your life on hold. Take advantage of this time as a single. Refuse to waste your singleness. Go on trips, travel, learn new things, read books, go back to school, go to concerts, go to conferences, wear that dress you've been saving for a date & go out with your girls and etc. (Why do you need a man to wear a beautiful dress?!?) Do things just for you while there's no one looking for you to check in, come home at a certain time, make dinner, do laundry, make their lunch, take them to their soccer games & dance class, and help them with their homework. 
6. While it may not be the popular choice abstain from sex before marriage and practice modesty. Keep those cookies in the cookie jar. And keep your goodies and treasures covered. I'm not saying you have to dress like a nun (and that's no shade to nuns), wearing dresses/skirts down to your ankles & turtlenecks all the time, but your boobs should not be on full display having a full blown conversation with a man that hasn't put a marriage certificate in your hand. And the only cheeks that should be visible are those on your face. Let's be cognizant of our brothers in Christ and not cause them to stumble.
7. Spend crazy amounts of time with God. Study the Word. Go to Bible Study. Join a Small Group. Read books. A good book to read if you're single is Lady In Waiting by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. Recognize that you'll never have this much free time ever again, not when you have a husband and babies!
8. Get busy for God. What are you doing to build up the kingdom? Have you gotten involved at your church? Find out what your spiritual gifts are if you haven't already and use those gifts to glorify God.
9. Spend time with friends that are in the same place in their life as you. I'm not saying you can't have friends that are married or in relationships. However, you need other single female friends that are Christian around to encourage you when you're not feeling so content, that will get on their face and pray for you, that celebrate you, that desire to see you grow spiritually, and will hold you accountable. Here are some of my beautiful friends that have helped me so much during my single season. I can't even tell you how many heart to hearts we've had, I've lost count. I love each of these ladies to the moon and back!

           

I pray this letter was helpful for you ladies. Remember your value and worth. Don't settle. Don't discount yourself. Don't put yourself on the clearance rack. And allow God free reign in your life letting him write your love story. He's already written you the most epic love story by loving you so much He sent His Son to die for you. You better believe He's weaving another beautiful love story together just for you. You're not forgotten. I love you my fellow single ladies and sisters in Christ!!! I'm praying for you during your single season. I'm gonna sign off now seeing as this letter has gotten a tad long lol.

Love you bunches xoxo

Mariah